Mr. CL lead the first seder, and I did the second one. Mr. CL wanted absolutely nothing to do with a Humanistic seder in the house. He felt the Humanistic seder is a mockery of a tradition he holds very dear. The hostility got to such a degree, that I couldn't get through my Haggadah's Maggid, and left the table in tears/abandoned the entire effort.
Rationally, I know that this is such stupidity to argue over, but I was very hurt. I have and do participate in A LOT of religious observance from his side of the family in the years we've been together. I felt that it shouldn't be too much to ask for him to humor me this one time that I requested a form of observance that reflected my views. His response made me feel like my Judaism - and by extension I - don't count.
In any case, when I blogged about my seder, one of the commentors, Atheodox Jew, read between the lines. His comments really struck a chord:
"[At] the end of the day, what children will take away from the Seder, probably more than anything else, is the memory of the family dynamics. Did they feel left out or included? Is the family culture one of putting others down, or interacting kindly, respectfully? Are the parents stressed out and bickering, or harmonious and enjoying themselves?
We very much failed on all the counts listed above. We tried to include the kids (we started the seders early, lead significantly abridged versions, he taught them the songs beforehand, I included interactive activities). Nevertheless, the politics between us undeniably overshadowed that. The family culture - both of us to blame - has unfortunately disintegrated. Among other things, I resent religion being imposed on me - particularly on Passover when that religion seeps into our home. He resents my resentment. Not sure how to fix this. I'll start by trying to stop resenting.
I don't want to revisit last year's seder experience, so I'm not going to push the Humanism this year. I'm making a concerted effort to prioritize harmony over ceremony. Mr. CL will lead the seder as he did the first night. The second night we'll go to his sister's. She's awesome, her food is always great, our kids play well together, and we'll have a good time. I will be supportive - or at least non-complaining - of his koshering our kitchen for the week. It's just a week!!