The second day of Chag, Mr. CL stayed home from work, and the kids were in daycare. Between my clients we took a long walk, and had a good conversation re: why last year's second seder was such a mess. I stated the convo by saying that I found it so weird that he thinks omitting the story of Exodus doesn't alter the seder too much, but putting a Humanistic spin does. He explained that for him the story is pretty much irrelevant. As far as he's concerned, there are more important things in Jewish history/ far greater hardships we've endured to discuss. (And if he just gave the Humanistic Haggaddah a chance and READ it, he'd see that that sentiment is expressed there. But I digress). Anyway, for him, like for me, the main thing is celebrating with the bigger community by getting together with family, singing the songs etc.
He explained that what made him mad, was that he was the one who cooked/sorted dishes, cleaned out chometz etc., and then I was using his effort, taking over with a Haggaddah he doesn't agree with, and calling it "my" seder. I explained that that was all good and well but, I don't care for kashering our kitchen le pesach. I don't see the point - We. Don't. Keep. Kosher. I personally want nothing to do with a kosher kitchen in my house. I tolerate the overhauling of the kitchen for the week, but I do find it a total and unnecessary nuisance - particularly when I get snapped at for what I consider idiotic minutae like accidentally using a milk fork with a meat plate*. In other words, I tolerate a certain amount of meshugas from him over the course of the week of pesach, and therefore, he should consider tolerating a bit of my meshugas as well. He didn't say anything. I'm an optimist, so I'll take that as agreement . . .ha! In any case, I'm glad we talked about it, and may this be the biggest of our problems.
The rest of the week was also much better. Mr. CL took JRKmommy's suggestion from last year's comments and we ate a lot of "real food" which meant the week didn't feel nearly as long and bloated as it usually does (for me, anyway). So, not too bad, overall. But, glad it's over! How were your seders/pesachs?
*I get that in an Orthodox household this is not minutae, but really in our house the rest of the year, a plate is just a plate, and a fork is just a fork. And I like it that way! That feels sane and ordered to me. The week of Passover I feel like I'm living in a communally induced mental illness. Did I mention Halacha is not my thing :p?
I imagine it would be almost impossible to consistently remember to use a milk fork with a milk plate FOR ONE WEEK A YEAR. Keeping kosher is to a great degree a system of habits, and you can't ingrain habits for one week a year. In my house we occasionally make mixups - more so the younger kids, but older kids and adults too. It's certainly not a reason to snap at someone.
ReplyDeleteThanks tesyaa! Luckily he's getting a little more lax every year. In the past he used to dispose of the mixed up dishes, or switch them to our non-Passover use . . . Now - my influence perhaps :p - they just go to into the dishwasher, and returned to their set. Curious what you guys do when there's a mix up - toivel?
ReplyDeleteThere are different ways to kasher different items. But just using a milk fork with a meat plate may not require anything to be kashered at all, unless the food is piping hot.
DeleteThere is something to be said for plastic cutlery and dishes. It's only a week, they can be washed off if you don't want to feel completely evil about the environment, and everything can go in the Blue Box after the holiday.
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